Whining is one of those child behaviors which tends to drive parents “nuts” for it is very annoying, and creates anger inside of the parent. Conflicted with common guilt over the parent’s anger, how the parent then responds to the whining will have significant effect on the outcome. Most children who excessively whine either have very strong-willed temperaments or have found effective ways of “getting to their parents” in a way that perpetuates their “whining habit”. On the other hand, all children will whine periodically and is something that all parents must accept. The challenge however, is how to best intervene when your child “whines up” and there are certain tactics that tend to work better than others.

1. Accept that your child will whine from time to time. As mentioned, especially with young children, whining takes the places of using words to express dismay about something.

2. Manage your anger and frustration. The parental attitude is crucial when children act up. Parents who either get too angry or give in tend to produce “habitual whiners”. Calm yourself down, use a soft voice when interacting with your upset child.

3. Find the cause. Parents need to determine the cause of the whining and try to either remove the condition or soothe their child through what is bothering them. Once again, young children do not yet have this automatic capacity and need to take in this attribute by hearing the calming words and clarification of the parent.

4. Talk to your child about what is bothering them in an empathic manner. For example, when your child is whining about having to stop playing a video game to go to school. Tell them that you know they are angry and that having to stop is very upsetting to them and encourage them to use their words to tell you about their feelings.

5. Set limits after expressing empathy. This is the tough part and is where many parents drop the ball. Initially setting limits intensifies the child’s whining and anger at the parent (which must be accepted by the parent), but the parent then needs to hold the child responsible for their noted task. This will then eventually calm the child down for he or she will not feel as though they overpowered their parent and will eliminate making them feel guilty.

6. Do not let the whining episode ruin your day. In most cases, once the above mentioned tactics are used, the child calms down, has a good day, and forgets about what happened earlier in the day and may even greet you in a great mood. Don’t hold your breath however, because there will sure to be another episode of whining in the next hour or two. But, when parents are consistent in how they handle those “whinny times”, the child will learn to talk, rather than act out his or her plight.

7. Whining tapers over time. Like any developmental phase, excessive whining too will subside over time and turn into verbal complaints, which again the parent needs to manage and respond to in the same ways as earlier whining.

When children feel understood and have parents who are both empathic yet firm, excessive whining or complaining tends to reduce in frequency and takes on a normal path of typical childhood and adolescent complaining which as parents, we need to be able to manage and help them through their temporary state of discomfort.

Background:

Regarding children, especially young ones, they perceive how things are going not only from their own experiences, but from the observation of how their parents both manage their own stress, and how the parent responds to the them during times of conflict.  Take 10 year old Bradley for example.  He is a very good student, but has some particular difficulty in math.  He is very discouraged that he does very well in most of his other subjects, but tends to struggle in various concepts that he has been learning this year.  His mother is a very loving and well-intended person, but becomes upset and anxious when Bradley gets stuck on certain math facts and will in fact make comments to him such as “if you don’t get this stuff, you may never be that scientist that you want to be when you grow up”.  One could reason that her comment was an attempt to motivate Bradley to perhaps “study harder”, but in many cases, a comment such as this one might be very upsetting to a child and become internalized that they are perhaps flawed and actually backfire and decrease motivation.

Positivism and being realistic are vital parental traits that truly help children succeed!  Research and everyday experiences teach us that when we approach conditions with confidence and determination, the end result tends to be positive.  However, children are still developing such traits and need good models and feedback to help them internalize such important personality traits.  From an early age, parents need to instill a sense of “calmness” as a response to stress.  This actually begins in infancy, where the optimal role of the primary caretakers are to actually “relieve the distress” of an infant’s discomfort – in other words, take away the discomfort from the outside, not assume that the completely dependent baby can somehow do this him or herself.  They can’t.  And when parents do not function in this manner towards their child at least for the first 3 years of life, many individuals become quite disturbed either as children or no later than adolescence.

Self-soothing is a function that both adults and children share alike.  Children get it from their parents, and parents need to be able to do this themselves before they can give it to them.  But the benefits are amazing.  Both the child and parent alike are calmer.  Calmness then leads to better judgment and outcome. Furthermore, when adolescents and their parents are both calm, they get along better. Consider 16 year old Emily who was invited over to her best-friend’s house for a Jonas Brother’s Easter Party (no, the Jonas Brothers are NOT going to be there).  Emily really wants to go, but knows that her mother is going to “freak-out” about it and bombard her with questions about supervision, drugs, alcohol, and boys.  Emily knows that her mom tends to be a “worrier” and in fact is not sure she even wants to ask if she can go to avoid the interface with her mother, but, she really wants to go and is NOT personally concerned about any wrongdoings at this party.  Her friends are all straight A students who think that drinking and doing drugs is just dumb!. In this case, Emily’s mom is the one who is anxious and this anxiety is then causing tension for Emily.

Can self-soothing be learned after the first 3 years of life? Sure, but it takes both understanding and hard work.  For the adults, it takes talking to oneself in the same soothing manner as the parent would express to the child.  We could call this, “being your own internal parent”. Such commentary includes the elements of soothing and then realistic appraisal of the situation that is causing the stress.  Then comes the outcome which has been developed through calm introspection.  If Emily’s mom would have calmed herself down, reviewed her trust in Emily and evaluated her level of judgment, she and Emily would have had a “calm” discussion about the party and made a decision about whether Emily should go or just stay home and listen to the Jonas Brothers on her I-pod.

Key Points:

•  Anxious Parents = Anxious Children
•  Adults need to model how to manage stress
•  Calm introspection is the optimal level of functioning
•  Self-soothing can be learned but is hard work
•  Parents get along better with children when both parties are calm

For Ed, the idea of becoming a father was wonderful. Although he lost his own father in a traffic accident when he was 10 years old, and his mother did not remarry, he thought that having children would “complete his life” and give him the chance to provide a degree of fatherhood which his father was unable to provide for him. He was also an only child and was hoping that they would be able to have at least two children so his children would have siblings which he had longed for as a child. He and his mother had a very close bond and felt as though he was always at the center of her world which made him feel much loved and nurtured. He also envisioned that having a baby would additionally deepen his love and intimacy with Ellen.

Ellen was the youngest of three children and was raised in an intact family. She had solid relationships with both of her parents and siblings and wanted to raise a family in a similar fashion as to the one in which she grew up in. She was used to sharing her parent’s attention with her siblings and and was excited about the idea of extending her immediate family with Ed.

Throughout the pregnancy, Ellen and Ed continued to bond and were sexually intimate with one another well into her second trimester. However, during Ellen’s third trimester, she develop back pain and did not feel physically up to making love any longer. This became conflictual for Ed. On the one hand, he had compassion for Ellen’s plight, but he also felt somewhat frustrated that they were temporarily unable to be intimate with one another.

The birth of the baby was a celebration for both Ed and Ellen. Together they joined in the expression of their love for one another and began to discuss both immediate plans for taking care of Diane and future plans for their family. Ellen chose to *** feed on demand and Diane began to immediately bond onto Ellen and the two of them fell in love. Ed too, felt close to Diane, but began to feel a bit left out of the triad. He found himself feeling conflicted between elation regarding being a father, but also frustrated for he felt as though the dynamics had changed. No longer was he the center of Ellen’s attention; he was having to share her with his infant daughter. As Ed was an only child, sharing a “mother” was something he never had to experience.

To further complicate matters, like all infants, Diane was awake almost every two hours to nurse and his sleep became disrupted as they kept Diane in a crib in their bedroom to make it easier for Ellen to feed her. This resulted in Ed feeling tired most mornings for the first four months until Diane was able to sleep through the night. Sex was also on hold for the first eight weeks as well, which was also difficult for Ed for it was a primary way for him to feel closer to Ellen and began to take her inability to be sexual too personally. In other words, he felt as though he had “lost” something by having Diane which made him feel ambivalent and guilty for having some mild resentment towards her as it was changing his relationship with Ellen. As a first time father, Ed was not anticipating that as Diane matured, his relationship with Ellen would once again become intimate and their relationship would broaden as they parented together Instead, Ed was feeling confused. He loved his new baby, but also felt a bit sad, resentful, and worried about his future with Ellen in reference to their intimacy.

Ellen, on the other hand, was “the happiest she had ever been”. Her life felt complete. She had a loving husband, a baby who was in love with her, and life was at its best for her.

The description above is a common example of what happens in many, if not most, first time families, when the couple, or husband/father in particular ,has not familiarized himself with what to expect when one’s spouse becomes pregnant and then has a child. In fact, the literature is more plentiful for upcoming mothers as “what to expect when they are expecting”, than for the fathers in terms of the changes and challenges in both their relationship with their spouse and the changing family unit.

For the father, the birth of a child is both wonderful, but also naturally compromising. The gift of a child supplies a movement into a new developmental phase, fatherhood, which is filled with gratifications and responsibilities, but also causes change in merely being in a two-person dyad. In other words, the couple moves into a family, causing an extension of each individual’s love, attention, and caring beyond the couple onto a child. For the father, he will commonly feel a bit left out of the picture, even a bit rejected, as the new baby is bonding with their primary care-taker, which is usually the mother, especially if the couple chooses *** over bottle feeding. This feeling typically lasts up until about a year of age when the baby begins to seek out others aside from mother to associate, namely the father as weaning from *** feeding usually comes to an end. In families that choose bottle feeding from the beginning, fathers will often take a more active role, as well as fathers who actively engage in holding their babies if their wives choose to *** feed.

One’s family of origin experiences also play a part in how the father will manage these changes. For example, with Ed, being an only child without a father, provided him with the undivided attention of his mother throughout his childhood and adolescent development. This dynamic was then repeated in his relationship with Ellen up until she became pregnant with Diane. Once born, Ed, for the first time in his life, had to share a “mother”, which was an unfamiliar experience for him, although unconscious. Here, feelings of envy, competition, mixed with love and admiration towards both Ellen and Diane would be expected. Ed having some insight into both himself and the process of fatherhood during infancy, would have surely helped him get through this period of time and improved his relatedness with both Ellen and Diane. For other fathers, such as those who had experienced siblings, the advent of a new baby reintroduces unconscious sibling rivalry and depending upon how well this was tolerated and managed during childhood and adolescence, will predict how the father will relate with a new baby who is competing with him for the attention of his wife/mother.

In extreme cases, some fathers will become depressed during the first year of life of their new babies; a male form of Postpartum Depression. This is usually due to unconscious feelings of anger and resentment regarding the losses and changes evident in having a new baby. However, most fathers who educate themselves about fatherhood through either reading or talking with their peers, often offset any depressive condition and tend to manage their conflicting feelings of love and loss well-enough to participate fully in being a new father and expanding their relationship with their spouse.

Over time, fathers tend to habituate, or adapt to the “new” family lifestyle. During the second year of life, the role of the father becomes very important and most toddlers will reach out to their fathers as a way of separating from the mother. Most fathers love when this happens. Their relationship with their spouse further broadens to include children and intimacy returns although perhaps not as frequently due to the responsibilities of raising small children and the level of investment and fatigue that most parents experience. Over time however, as the children grow and mature, the couple may return to the early days of intimacy and increased time together in a dyad, but this may not happen until the children are well into adolescence or even until they leave home for college or work.

Key Points:

1. Fatherhood introduces gains and losses.

2. Most new fathers feel happy, sad, and rejected.

3. Family of origin issues predict how a new father will adapt to a new baby.

4. Postpartum Depression can happen with fathers as well as mothers.

5. Fathers who educate themselves as to what

Background:

Aside from the imperfection of any friendship, is also differences in how the temperament or personality of the child will affect how they interact with others. For example, outgoing children, who do not get easily upset, tend to have an easier time developing friendships then chil dren who are either shy or easily upset by misfortune. Much of this is constitutional, or genetic, but at other times can be based on learning, bad experiences, or modeling how significant people in their lives manage their friendships. Here, children often imitate the type of friendsh ips that the parent of the same sex maintain, whether their mother or father are successful in their interpersonal lives and manage their own conflicts with others.

Another important variable is the type of person a child chooses to befriend and in some cases, the child will seek out a “healthy” friend or group, but in other cases no t make such good choices. This is often due to unconscious motivations based on their relationships with their parents or siblings. As people, we naturally tend to repeat patterns in hopes of undoing or changing previous experiences in hopes of making them better or because they are familiar. As a example, many negative friendships that brew in childhood and adolescence are based on trying to “change” a person who reminds them or someone significant in their life, such as a competitive brother or sister. Here, we see children befriending someone who may not be very nice to them and the child who is trying to heal a previously negative tries each and every avenue to try to get that person to “like and accept them” to no avail and becomes saddened and hurt when their best efforts fail. The motivation here is to be li ked by someone who may have too much animosity towards them and it becomes an impossible task. On the other hand, many children naturally pick healthy and positive friends and escape social problems.

Parents though can help this process by teaching their children appropriate social ski lls as soon as their child has attained enough maturity to play with others, something that we call “cooperative play” which is usually possible by the 2nd year of pre-school. Before this, children naturally play aside from other children until they develop enough understanding of another person’s feelings to play together. It is at th e cooperative play period where parents can really help. Most parents allow their children to naturally play with others which is optimal provided their are few conflicts evident based again on both their child’s natural temperament and also positive experiences with their relationships with their parents and watching how their parents interact with each other and other adults. On the other hand, if a parent notices struggles with their child interacting with others, this is where the parent needs to step in and help them navigate conflict and resolution.

As a general rule, I always suggest that between the ages of 3 and 6, when a parent arranges a play date, he or she sits down with the two children and set some basic standards about how their should play together and also have some limits about both the types of games=2 0they may play and also specify what location they should play within – this “structure” then helps set the stage for a successful play time which then becomes learned and hopefully repeated. Some of these basic “rules” should include: sharing; taking turns choosing activitie s; being kind; expressing in words when they are feeling upset; and the parent being available if the conflict becomes too intense for the children to manage. When this occurs, the parent then validates that both children are upset and frustrated, normalize that this is normal in friendships, and then try to get the children to appropriately talk to one another about their feelings, and come up with a resolution. These skills are not innate, but learned from parents and teachers, both the point is that children need social skill training as much as learning how to master academic material.

As mentioned earlier, the choice of friendships come from two areas: previous experiences, good or negative; and the observation of how their parents get along with each other and their adult friends. Remember, children identify with their parents and idealize them and their actions, we as adults are often guided to befriend certain individuals who may not be very nice for wishes to “change them or make them like us”. Children do the same thing. Making clear to children what is important in a healthy friendship is also very important and should be discussed early. Such characteristics should be:

• someone who really likes them for who they are
• has good morals and family values
• manages conflict in a reasonable fashion
• has the tendency to give and receive
• can tolerate ups and downs in a friendship
• has many commonalities, rather than differences with your child

When children, and adults, choose friends who are either too dissimilar of too competitive and envious, the friendship will be continually troublesome and may interfere with both your and your child’s self-esteem and academic or occupational performance.

Despite the best efforts of parents to help foster healthy social skills, some children may need an extra boost from an outside source. Many schools have social skill groups conducted by school counselors and many professionals have groups designed for such efforts.

Key Points:

• parents need to set the stage early for social skill interaction
• help your child and their play date learn how to play together
• help your child learn how to manage conflict resolution early in their development
• get your child to express their feelings in words with both you and their friends
• encourage friends who are more alike than different than your child to decrease competition
• model good reciprocal friendships in your lives for your child to observe
• get some outside help early if necessary.

Background:

As with any transition, preparing ahead of time is always a good idea. When situations are thought through, discussed, and planned for, there tends to be less anxiety generated and a greater likelihood for success. Young children in particular are not yet capable of thinking in the abstract and plan ahead and need assistance in understanding what is expected of them and how to reach their goals. Many times parents place responsibilities on their children that they are not able to developmentally manage which can set their child up for failure. The responsibilities of school are common areas where parents either expect their child to manage themselves or rely on the school to teach them how to both organize and study.

Each January after the holidays represent opportunities for parents to discuss change and goals for the new year. Parents of both grade and middle school students need to sit down with their children prior to beginning school and discuss both expectations and plans on how to help them succeed. Reviewing the importance of school, your faith in their abilities to manage their work, and discussing concepts such as studying, organization, and note taking are all essential in making sure their child feels prepared. Often times after such discussions, the parents and child determine that there may be some areas that need some assistance and this can then be provided which then serves to avoid a later problem. As I have discussed in prior segments, self esteem is generated when the child him of herself experiences success. When the child has the tools necessary to manage their life, success is more likely. On the other hand, if your child is doing well, be sure to pat them on the back and tell them that you are happy for them.

Structure is also very important. Children and adolescents who have a daily “routine” tend to do better academically and socially. For example, it is always a good idea to have an after-school plan which entails: 1) an after-school snack; 2) some time for play or sport; and then 3) a scheduled homework time to be performed in a distraction-free environment. Once homework has been completed, a “reward” time can be offered to celebrate getting through their assignments after a long day of school. When children have something to look forward towards, they tend to feel less frustrated and seem more motivated.

For the high school student, who can think in the abstract and hopefully understand that their success at this time of their academic life will serve later goals, discussions are also necessary but inquiring with them about how they plan to manage their school work will make them feel as though you respect their intellect. If however, you determine that they do not seem able to manage themselves well enough, you will have to help them as well. Allowing children and adolescents to “learn from their mistakes” is poor judgment on the part of the parent for the child and adolescent is not yet mature enough to manage their lives independently without parents.

Key Points:

1. discuss school beginning with your child now to get them ready

2. review expectations for the “new” year ahead of time

3. implement structure to help with success

4. make sure they have an academic plan and can perform the required tasks

5. get them some help if needed early

Background: 15 year old Billy told his parents that his New Year’s Resolution for 2011 would be to get straight A’s this year in school to better his chances for college admission. Up to this point, Billy had historically struggled in school given some mild learning differences and and a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, both of which he had received assistance in managing. Billy’s wish to elevate his grades is based on the reality of college admission competition and also in service of wanting to please his parents and raise his own self-esteem. Despite his encouraging statement to his parents, both his mother and father were concerned that Billy set his expectations too high given his natural attributes. In particular, his father was concerned that Billy was going to set himself up for a let down.

This type of senario is very common when both children and adults alike set New Year’s Resolutions. In many cases, individuals have had particular struggles over the previous year which they decide they want to conquer. They therefore set out personal expectations for the upcoming year hoping that the particular struggle will be conquered once and for all. Unfortunately, many of the sought after goals are either too high or unrealistic to reach which then result in a personal failure for the individual causing lower self-esteem and a sense of failure. We see this quite often in weight loss or smoking cessation programs. Once an individual witnesses personal failure, they will be less likely to seek that particular goal in the future and subsequently feel like a failure for not being able to reach their goal.

There are four basic reasons why many New Year’s Resolutions fail. First, as mentioned earlier, the goal is either too high or unrealistic. When an individual decides on a resolution, it is essential that it is a reasonable achievement that can be reached without over suffering. Second, failing to have a plan on “how to” reach the resolution will commonly result in failure. Billy’s decision to get straight A’s was made without him having a concrete plan on how he was going to achieve this goal. Third, personal rewards along the way towards the ultimate goal is essential. For most individuals, children and adults alike, a final goal at the end of the tunnel often times feels too far away and small rewards along the way help maintain motivation to continue. One of my adolescent patients would buy himself an “I-Tunes” song for 99 cents after two days of solid studying which not only resulted in him being more motivated to study but also eventually led to his overall GPA raising significantly at which time he bought himself a new MP3 player as final reward. Finally, the final reason why many resolutions fail is due to a lack of follow through. Insight and thinking is essential in planning for a goal or a change, but action MUST also follow and in many cases, this is where goals fail to become reached. This is due to the establishment of habits which are difficult to break even if they are maladaptive – in order to break any unwanted habit, the individual must first decide they are going to break it, understand why it developed in the first place, establish some goals, determine a reasonable plan, follow through even if it does not initially feel natural, and have rewards along the way and at the end. Over time, the new habit will replace the old one and a new sense of esteem will develop and will be the ultimate condition that keeps the resolution in place. People who follow this type of protocol tend to reach their resolution and keep the newfound trait in place. Compliance however is necessary and the hardest part.

Key Points

1. resolutions must be realistic and attainable

2. have a concrete plan on how to reach them

3. establish mini rewards along the way

4. follow through – habits are hard to break

5. better esteem keeps the resolution intact

It is almost essential that the adult visiting family members consult with the parents of the child to find out what they are interested in; activities that they enjoy doing; and then demonstrate interest in such activities when visiting. For example, last year, on of our viewers here at San Diego 6 News wrote me to tell me that she always brings a “bag of tricks” with her when she visits her grandchildren over the holidays. Within her bag are items that she has found are liked and enjoyed by her grandchildren including drawing materials, puzzles, and two familiar board games. She told me that because she is attuned to their interests, the children readily play with her and teach her about their lives. Each year she then “updates” her bag based on changes that she had learned about not changes in their development.

Family outings are also great ideas as long as the activity has something for everyone. Making an adolescent go to a museum over the holidays, if they are not interested in museums, will elicit resistance and complaints, and will often ruin the trip for the rest of the family. Therefore, it is a good idea to find activities that all family members seem to enjoy and take a vote. If not everyone can agree, then taking activity turns is another option.

A common error that many adults make when interacting with children is trying to “make them” participate in some activity over the holiday that they do not either enjoy or understand. Although the intent is positive, it is better that with little time to bond, that the chosen activities are fun and interesting to the child.

Spending time with adolescent family members is another story. As most adolescents would much rather spend time with their friends, which is normal, finding activities that they will do with you may be difficult, but not impossible. Adults can “hang out” with adolescents as long as they do not ask them too many questions and try to find activities that they like to do, which are usually shopping or going to a movie. The reason here is that, they like “stuff” and a movie is a compromise in spending time together but not talking too much.

On a final note, try not to feel rejected by your young family members if you only visit them on holidays. Like everyone else, they may take some time to re-familiarize themselves with you and begin perhaps shy or resistant. Give them some time and remain positive and interested. In most cases, they will come around although it might be the last day of the holiday. But, be sure to enjoy that day.

Happy Holidays from all of us her at Carmel Valley Life.

Key Points:

1. Join in their interests, not yours!

2. Do your homework – find out what they like to do.

3. Activities need to have something for everyone.

4. With adolescents, do NOT ask them too many questions. Tell them what you have heard about them.

5. Try NOT to feel rejected if they act shy or resistant at first.

Teachers will tell you that the greatest decline in school performance is actually between Thanksgiving and the Winter Holidays due to kids daydreaming about the festivities and not thinking much about Social Studies, so the parental encouragement factor is a pretty important element during this time. Chances are your kids were not in the best mood when they had to find their backpacks and go back to school after the Thanksgiving break. But, at this time of the year it’s more then just getting back into it for another vacation is right around the corner and your kids know it. This is especially critical when your kids are in high school when grades really do count but the lessons for the younger kids are important this time of year as well for it helps them develop better tolerance of frustration and helps to develop a positive work ethic if parents handle this the right way. So, here’s what you parents need to do:

1. Empathize with your child that school is work but everyone is in the same boat. Even share with them that work right now is difficult for you because you want to also lose yourself in the holiday spirit. Kids often think they are the only ones suffering with the realities of school, but when they realize that their friends and parents are in the same position, it often lessens their grief and complaining.
2. Talk about the fun holidays ahead but emphasize that they will only be grand if they keep up on their schoolwork. Kids and goals go together. If the carrot of a great holiday is contingent on them pulling their weight at school, they will take it more seriously. Santa likes good students by the way and can alter his list if someone forgets to turn in their homework.
3. Be on top of their responsibilities. During the next few weeks, be especially attentive to your child’s responsibility for their schoolwork. Check those planners and school websites and even send off an e-mail to their teacher making sure that all is going smoothly during this exciting period of time. Teachers always love invested parents.

Balancing fun and work is ageless and teaching kids how to do this in the early years paves the way for an easier time in the years to come.

Think of getting your kids back into school after Thanksgiving as a warm up for after the Winter Holidays. Why not practice a bit this weekend. In fact, with the break between Thanksgiving and the longer Winter Holiday, kids won’t be thinking too much about school and this is when it can be especially tough for parents. Teachers will tell you that the greatest decline in school performance is actually between Thanksgiving and Christmas due to kids daydreaming about the festivities and not thinking much about Social Studies, so the parental encouragement factor is a pretty important element during this time. Here’s what parents can do.

1. Start talking about going back to school today. Not to rain on the vacation parade, but reminding your kids to do any homework that might be due Monday will lessen the tension in your home if Sunday night comes around and they all of a sudden remember that a math packet is due.
2. Empathize with your child that school is work but everyone is in the same boat. Kids often think they are the only ones suffering with the realities of school, but when they realize that their friends are in the same position, it often lessens their grief.
3. Talk about the fun holidays ahead but emphasize that they will only be grand if they keep up on their schoolwork. Kids and goals go together. If the carrot of a great holiday is contingent on them pulling their weight at school, they will take it more seriously.
4. Be on top of their responsibilities. During the next few weeks, be especially attentive to your child’s responsibility for their schoolwork. Check those planners and school websites and even send off an e-mail to their teacher making sure that all is going smoothly during this exciting period of time. Teachers always love invested parents.

Following these 4 simple steps will help your child keep their eye on the ball and pave the way for a more peaceful and enjoyable Winter break.

Listen up parents, if your kids get bored over the upcoming Holiday vacation, things could get rough. However, some simple things you can do will not only make the Holiday time for enjoyable for them, but also for you. Although many children complain about school work, the social benefits of the school day make vacations fun but also boring. This is when the relief from doing school work is replaced by missing the time spent with their peers at recess, lunch, or even when they are doing school projects together. I am a big believer in “family time” during vacations and advocate both alone time with each child and family-oriented activities, but parents need to do even more if they are going to keep their kids happy over the holidays.

Here are some ideas.

1. Have your kids stay in touch with their peers. Cell phones, Skyping, and spending time together in “real” life are very important for kid’s mental health. Vacations are times when kids can spend time with their friends without the pressure of school and getting to bed early. Consider allowing your child to invite a friend with you on a day event, such as a movie or even to Disneyland. When kids spend time with their friends away from school, it will strengthen the friendship and make them even better friends when at school.
2. Mix it up. Try some new activities that your family typically does not do. Get out of your typical element. Play a new game, go for a hike, try a sport that nobody knows how to play. Be creative and ask you kids for some suggestions. Rememebr, kids love to watch their parents struggle with things for it makes them feel better.
3. Give back. The Holidays bring out the best and the worst. Celebrations, religious ceremonies, “quality time”, and of course the gifts make Holidays a wonderful time of the year, but it also is a time of sadness and despair for others. Giving back to others, or empathy, is the meat and potatoes of a healthy Conscience. Feeding the homeless. packing cans at the food bank, helping a friend who is having a tough time are all wonderful gifts for both oneself and the other over the Holidays.
4. Get rest. Aside from all of the hustle and excitement during the Holiday season, rest and re-fueling for both kids and parents alike is essential. Try taking a family 20 minute nap during the afternoon. Research shows that no more than 20 minutes during the afternoon provides the body and mind with needed rest and makes the rest of the day and evening more enjoyable for everyone.

And, don’t forget to read. In fact, read together as a family. Not only does it promote good habits, but it also keeps your child on track mentally so when they do go back to school they will adapt much better then if they have to warm up their brain from being cold from a vacation.